We all know the definition of a "Dear John," someone writing a letter telling someone they're letting go. This is mine to my rapist. This is my "Dear John."

Dear John,
     The very thought of you has caused me pain for a very long time now.
The evil inside you, 

must be extreme to be able to do what you did.
To be able to pin someone down,
and take from them something they'll never be able to get back.

For a long time i had pity for myself.
I would think, poor me.
Poor girl who was raped.
Poor me, whose now messed up, 

and so far from the perfect life she thought she had. 

But now I can see, truly see, i was so wrong.

Don't you see it too? Don't you also see the truth?

Not poor me, not poor me at all, but John, poor, poor, you.

Poor John who is consumed by something sick and twisted, 

something that makes you think so little of yourself that you had to take advantage;

that you had to use yourself against a little girl- because that is what i was-

to feel powerful; to feel better about yourself.

Poor you, for it isn't my life that you messed up, but your own.

And maybe not today, nor tomorrow, will you see what you've done. 

And maybe you won't in this life at all.
But I promise you this, the consequences will come for you,

and they will be much worse than anything you have ever, put me through.

I pity you now, John. 

I feel beyond, so sorry for you now.

Let me explain something to you.

I am so strong.

I can do hard things, and for that I wish to thank you.

Though in every painful, tormenting, heart wrenching experience, 

I can get tired, and it can get hard, and I can want to give up. I'm not saying I am now invincible.

But I'm saying when i feel these pains, and exhaustion's,

I can tell myself, because I know, I have accomplished much harder things than this.

And for that, I wish to thank you.

I am forever strong because of you.

Many for quite sometime told me I needed to forgive you. 

At first, and for a while, that weighed heavy on me.

It in fact angered me. 

I was going through the hardest time of my life, you had suffered no consequences, 

and yet I was supposed to forgive you?

I couldn't help but think that was incredibly unfair.

I had so much anger, and hatred in my heart, that I thought it to be impossible.

Before I go on, I will say this, John:

One day this will all hit you. 

You suddenly will feel it and see and understand what you did,

what you did to a little fifteen year old girl, who did nothing, but love you. 

I know more than anyone, whether you admit it or not, because I know you're too proud to admit it,

you will be overwhelmed with remorse.

It will eat you. You will go through emotional turmoil like never before.

But this is it, this is what this letter is for. I must tell you, John,

no longer will I suffer this pain.

I no longer will be wasting my time on you.

I have healed. 

I'm not saying this no longer hurts, but I am saying I no longer mourn over it.

I can now breathe, and I can move on.

You are no longer to blame for my pain.

John, my rapist, I forgive you.

And no longer am I wasting my time on you, or thinking about what you did to me.

One day you will see you only hurt yourself.

I wish you no ill, for I know your suffering is and forever will be much more than mine.

But I forgive you, I forgive you, I forgive you.

John, I forgive you long before you ever apologize.

I wish for you all to be able to let go of any anger, caused by anyone, for yourself. I promise it feels better than any apology could.